Does this photo make you cringe or your heart start racing?? Maybe you are like me and have Lilapsophobia: fear of tornados or hurricanes. Its not fun especially trying to drive when you know a storm is afoot. When you look at this, I bet you can guess that there is no way you would drive in a storm like that.
Well today; I did and it was about as stressful as having a knife held to your throat or like a cat in water, pawing for the safety of an edge. My oldest son had his final tournament game tonight for baseball. His younger brother had a game 2 hours prior so we decided that we would just stay at the diamonds after his game was over and practice some before the tournament game. As I started the car there I saw that it looked like some dark clouds were approaching, but they were mearly low grade rain clouds; nothing to be frightened of. ( In my past I have found myself ranking clouds and knowing their intensity just by their upflow or front clouds.)
We got there and as my youngest son, Nicholas, was playing one of the other moms said loudly; " Oh my, there's a tornado warning in ..... county and it looks like its heading towards us." My heart instantly sank. Knowing that we will be here for awhile I knew there was no escaping and no where to hide. My heart started to race but I kept reminded myself that it could decipitate as it gets nearer.
After Nicks game we headed over to AJ's, my oldest sons, field and waited out for his turn to play. The players on the field were waiting for the current storm to subside and the lightening dectors were blaring. ( Each of the diamonds have lightening dectors on home plate. If there is any lightening within a 10 miles radius, it will let off a siren to warn the teams.) So as we wait it begins to get worse. We head in the car and again I hear (loud high pitch beep)"The national weather forcast has issued a tornado warning for the following counties..." Instantly my heart goes into rabbit mode and tries to race out of my chest. Here we are sitting in an open field with hardly anything to protect us. I feel cold and naked against the storm. AJ's coach runs to us and says the game has been rescheduled. okay I have 10 minutes to get home and get to safety.
As normal my grandmother wants to sit and blab and ask the same question 50 times. I holler at the kids to get in the car and quickly put them in there seatbelts, carseats. At this point I am almost at the brink of half commen sense/half flight or fight. What that means is my perception is starting to be confused, I will drive a little faster not realizing it or I may make a turn in front of a car when I would usually wait.
Stuck in traffic for 5 minutes, 5 minutes to get home; crunchtime. My stomache starts churning as I see the dark front clouds coming. I now realize that I am going to have to drive through part of the storm in order to get home. I sink, try to swallow and my back tenses up. For the first time I turn off my radio. Usually I will listen to it like a hawk, flipping through the station to hear if a tornado has touched down or how far the storm is away from me. I already could see where it was and I did not want to be reminded of its damage. It was hard enough not to try and run the red lights nor run people off the road to get home.
One more turn and I'm home and its the longest. You know on scary movies how they make a hallway extended?? That is how I saw this. I was feeling like I was going to pass out, heart racing, and shaking like a leaf as I watched the road seem to get longer and longer; snarling under the vast dark clouds. I turn and start to cry; the trees were dancing but in a scary ghostly way as they would bend to the ground and twirl. I kept watch of my speed cause I noticed that at first I was doing 55 in a 30mph zone and almost rear ending the car in front of me. I start deep breathing and making myself breath, I can do it ; youre safe. I finally whip the corner of my drive pull my kids out of the car and run in. Just as I was lowering the garage door the wind started its 60mph ghusts; but I no longer cared. I was home and safe with my children. I ran to my room turned on the weather radar and cried. So sick and tired of being controlled of fear; I had no other option than to sceram it out in my pillow.